Preethi Nagaraj/ Daily O, India
Please follow this list most diligently since we are the end consumers of your memes and WhatsApp (mis)information campaigns. And this is what we want to know about the new Gandhi on the block!
So, elections are approaching — and our troll armies on all sides are getting busy, like food trucks and pushcarts prepare for a buzzy evening by the road, to sell piping hot fast-food, full of colours and flavours to titillate the barely three inch organ in our bodies — don’t let your dirty mind wander! I am referring to the humble tongue.Jokes apart, here’s the fact. Their job is so interesting. They spend real hours trying to dig up some information, or some misinformation, that can lead to creating a meme, effectively maligning the target.
This whole game is based on first strike advantage.
This is the ‘image building’ exercise they do with all seriousness.
For a change, the Congress party has played a ‘child card’, I mean, a ‘wild card’ into the family (literally) of the party. Priyanka Gandhi has been inducted (really? was she out ever?) into the league of party chiefs. Hardly very surprising, except maybe for wondering ‘why so late!’
Since we believe trolls are paid experts who take their job seriously, some of us have a sincere request. Please do some solid groundwork on this lady who has been a shadow politician for way too long!
High time we know about her personal details.
Here is a small list of things the trolls can let us know about — and please follow this list diligently since we are the end consumers of your memes and WhatsApp (mis)information campaigns. Remember, customer is always king!
a) First things first. Tell us know more about Priyanka’s sartorial possessions. Where does she pick up her cottons from? We mean her saris! Yesss!
The source of those amazing handloom saris that could cost a kidney and maybe an eye must be revealed!
Also, tell us who drapes them on her, making her look like a walking dream?! Do provide price tags (you can exaggerate here, say this sari costs enough to feed a family of 16 farmers for nine months or some such ) — and also, please, give us names of the outlets and website links.
b) Show us those hi-funda tailors who stitch her blouses. Verrryyy important!
Why so?
You can always claim the budget for her blouse-stitching could buy an education for two children in a lower-middle class family for their lifetime or some such thing. But, tell us all the same. Because we think trolls really don’t understand the significance of a well-fitting blouse that does not make the skin underneath itch. That’s most important.
c) Please pay attention to this. Bags and footwear are a must on your meme list.
If you do not know the brands, run them through Google before creating memes. We don’t want to be buying first copy or wrong brands while trying a bit to be Priyanka-esque ourselves. Serious issue this!
d) The other equally important thing on the list — give us details about her workout regime, yoga schedule, et al along with the diet chart. Would be good to know her gurus, trainers and dieticians. Details of her protein drinks and shakes — and even her cheat diet — are an absolute must.After all, she is among the very few politicians in Delhi who are healthy, lean and lithe enough to walk around to campaign (despite being a ‘blue blood’). Yeah, yeah… you can always put a picture of impoverished faces alongside, just to add to the guilt value.