Marilyn Thipthorpe
Something must be wrong, this doesn’t feel right. The missed periods, the insomniac nights, the sweaty palms, passing out on the subway floor, at what point did the alarm bells ring that I need to get check out. I went out to get a diagnosis. My symptoms were cut into pieces and examined but all I got was a simple painkiller, “take this and exercise more”. As if that was any explanation for what I had already tried at home before, anyways you’re the experts and so I’ll do it again as you wish. I did. For 3 months. No results.
I went back to the doctor; I had taken my meds, changed my diet and exercised. No use, no change, what now? And so the tests began, one after another I was sent under rays and machines, boxes and rooms, shuffled between the dark and light. No results. I began to think it was all up in my head, am I going insane? Apparently my psyche report was just fine, so I was then sent to “specialists”. One specialist after another, one said I had liver problems, the other said I needed to exercise more, yet another came up with the theory that I was under too much stress, “You think! Here I am doubling over with pain and stuffed to the gills with meds and no idea what I’m suffering with, you ‘think’ I’m under stress.” Duh! This was getting me no where; I decided to take matters into my own hands and against warning from friends and family, I went on the net. The ever vast expanse of wires and people and connections became my salvation. I semi-diagnosed myself and went back to the ‘specialists’ to confirm my findings. I was right. There was a catch, my disease has no cure. Here I sat in a dilemma; I was back to square one, finding a solution to where I was. Confused and so alone, I felt like a little girl cowering in the corner of her bedroom afraid of the boogie man. The dark scared me. Then I saw a ray of light, I found more people diagnosed with my condition, I found a reason to be with people, again the internet worked like a shining angel for me. I no longer feel hopeless, I might die soon, I might not fulfill all my dreams but I’m not alone.