Fabia Shahzadi
Dear my first love,
Haven’t done this since the ninth grade, have we? Remember the struggles we went through to just express our raw feelings through words in those sealed letters? I still have them. Good times!
So, how long has it been? Years? Months? Yes, I know it has roughly been over a week we don’t talk; probably that is why I still have not learnt to tame my restless heart. I often wonder, what actually went wrong? Clearly cannot blame “distance” again to take the lead role this time. Was it trust? Maybe. Was it time? Of course! But how did we forget to compromise and adjust at this point? How did my reassurance and your sacrifices make so less of a difference at this stage in our life? I just wanted some time to fix my messed up routine; was it too much I asked for? You wanted to change for good; why did I not believe you? Your approach to resolve the issues seemed so unappealing to me, I don’t know why. It cannot be just my ego or just your utter ignorance. It hurts to come to a realization that our story lasted four years, ten months and twenty four days.
No, I will not go back to the mentally abusive relationship I was in; I will never. Your love is lethal and it messes me up every time. You are not allowed be a part of my life anymore; you are yours and I am mine. Different paths, different aims and different stories onwards. I hate to still love you; I still love you.
‘You are mine and I am yours, forever and always but not anymore.’
Faithfully
Your first love