If you have ever been in a controlling relationship, you know how easy it is to get caught in its web. It usually starts out with a simple suggestion like, “I think you’re better off ordering a salad.”
At first you take the suggestions as a reflection of love and concern. After all, the comments are not that far off base and you certainly don’t want to appear unappreciative or defensive. Some time goes by. You now notice that your significant other’s opinions of you continue to be critical. Only, now there is an emotional undertone that suggests if you don’t abide by his opinion, he will be angry, punitive and emotionally manipulative. Your judgement is clouded. You continue to ask yourself it is you. Deep down, your biggest fear is that his opinions of you are right. The bad news? You are now caught in THE web. The good news? There is a way to control it.
1. Get your power back. The fastest way to do this is to be willing to strut away from the relationship if need be. This enables you to move onto a place of power instead of a place of fear.
2. Place limits on his criticisms and emotional outbursts. Let him know that you are open to hearing (and considering) his opinions. However, you will not engage in conversations that attack who you are as a person.
3. Be clear and honest with yourself first. Reconsider your values, goals and needs. Make sure your decisions are in alignment with your highest self, needs and all. Make sure he knows what you can and can’t do for him.