Tara Sattar
Men get horrified by a few conversations that they avoid having with their spouses. Does the marriage counseling ever actually work? In order to get things done, is it more necessary to be obliged or demanding? Marriage therapists have answered a few of them:
1)It’s late, but we still need to talk: Can your conversation wait till the morning? If so, wait, says Elizabeth J. Lamotte, a psychotherapist and founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Centre. According to the therapist, conversations should be held in the morning, with fresh minds. No when both of you are tired and sleepy. Traditional scenes of women wanting to have a conversation while the men try to watch TV still persists n the society and there are many sleep deprived couples who lack the ability to communicate.
2)Those shorts make you look like a college student: If you dislike your significant other’s comment about your haircut or the new pair of shoes that you have bought after staring at it for half hour, you should also check what you are saying when he is doing things of his choice. Don’t be judgmental, try to envision his sights first, says Susan Heitler, psychologist in Denver, Colorado.
3)Just a card would be fine: Gifts are an expression of feelings that you deserve it. So instead of being judgmental about the price tag, accept it with a simple “Thank you”, suggests M. Gary Neuman, psychotherapist from Miami Beach, Florida.
4)Do not ever compare!: Comparing your spouse to your exes can be the worst kinds of treatments. It is always held up as a feeling of contempt and it stays for a long time, Kurt Smith, a men’s counselor says.
5)I hate when you leave the dishes in the sink: Tammy Nelson, who is the author of the book of New Monogamy remarks, “Do not portray your hatred in such petty issues. Instead, ask them politely the changes you would want to see.”
6)All you want is to get into bed!: There is no harm in showing a little bit of affection, but it never means that they have only one motive, says Neuman.
7)Refrain from using the terms “Always” and “Never”: It is hardly ever that somebody does something always or never. There is always an exception and there fore one should not make a snap judgment, suggests Nelson. He says that the conversations should be focused on the present, not the future, definitely not the past.
8)“Yes…but”: If you are agreeing to disagree then never agree in the first place. Using a “but” at the end of an agreeing sentence deletes all the consent you have given earlier, says Susan Heitler.
9)“I still remember what you did last summer”: This is one of the things that is least needed. Do not remind your spouses about something they did that they shouldn’t have done. These reminders are one of the things that make them feel that they can leave the past behind, said Smith, the men’s counselor.