Samiul Basharr Samin
Yeah you read it right. Although yours truly believes that one is only but the shadow of his behavior, I am going to take some expensive time out of my ultra-valuable life to help you clueless people.
Step 1: Look normal
You must really think this to be the easiest thing in the world. But the definition of normal err…lets just say differs from person to person. Either ways, I mean that sometimes you should try to blend in instead of going with the glittered jeans. If you’re confused, you should just go with the flow because lets just say that you don’t want to look like the offspring of Lady Gaga and a sparkly vampire. So make sure you don’t wear anything that makes you look a cheesy douchebag. But, if you want to wear that cowboy hat with a sparkly T-shirt and pants that fall off your behind, who’s stopping you?
Step 2 : Learn to be humble, you imbecile
Ever notice how in every horror movie the guy who seems to be the most arrogant gets killed/massacred/torn up/hung up and all? Well these directors always try to convey a message (or maybe they just want to make money, who knows). You’ll never get far with a stuck-up behind. Why? Well because you’re only going to fall into an endless pit of self-satisfaction. Life isn’t any better than horror movies (with all the sparkly idiots) and fact is, nobody likes an arrogant idiot. You don’t care what anyone thinks? Say that again when nobody turns up at your funeral.
Step 3: Violence is an option not an instinct
You think that being a boro bhai is going to make you cooler? Say that again when you’re thirty, you can’t get a job and you have hair loss causing a crop circle on your head. Just because the poor guy accidently bumped into you doesn’t mean that you have to give him a sore eye. As long as you use violence for self-defense, it’s totally understandable. But you show your need for attention when you pick on each and every poor shmuck out there. Like Papa Smurf said, ‘If you smurf all the time, you’re going to be a smurfedy smurf’. Wise words indeed.
Step 4: Cheapskates, just die already
There’s a difference between saving up and going on an “expensive” date at “Dhanmondi Laker Par”. I mean please if you can afford it, get yourself a coffin and nail yourself in inside. You say that you can’t buy your friends a plate fuchka because you’re saving up for retirement? Well that plate of fuchka will haunt you for the rest of your life. Live your life to the fullest with whatever you can afford instead of being an annoyingly cheap knob and you’ll be fine.
Step 5: Be yourself
I mean no matter what you do, all comes down to yourself. You are who you are. Sure negative sides can be dealt with but one should never try to change who he is. Hindu or Muslim, Black or White, Assasin or Templar, you should be just be proud of who you are. You really shouldn’t really care about what some annoying writer raging on his keyboard says. Oh wait…