Nusrat Jahan And
Samiul Bashar Samin
Our resident reporter was able to get a hold of two likely candidates to rule over the world. He claims that we do not pay him enough for his seemingly brave overtures, but he works hard anyways, in hopes of a promotion or at least a raise (heh).
Without further adieu, let’s see what he brought in, shall we?
FIRST OF ALL, THANK YOU FOR MAKING TIME FOR US.
SHITLER: *clears throat* You’re welcome.
DUMP: Yeah…whatever.
OKAAAY…FIRST QUESTION! WHAT ARE YOUR ULTIMATE GOALS IN LIFE?
SHITLER and DUMP (in unison): World Domination
Shitler: *smirks*
Dump: *stares intensely*
RIGHT, SO LET’S TAKE THINGS DOWN A NOTCH. WHY DON’T I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE.
WHO DO YOU LIKE HANGING OUT WITH?
S: Hang…out?
D: You know, like netflix and chill?
S: Oh, I do that everyday with my niece.
Reporter: Uhm okaaayy…And Mr. Dump?
D: I hang with my bros from KKK, ya know, shoot some ducks, cows and occasionally people I don’t like, ya know.
S: heh, He shoots them. *Hysterical laugh* What a pleb. Bro, do you even gas chamber?
D: This is why you don’t have friends.
S: I soooooo have friends. I got my minions behind me 24/7.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU CANNOT LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT?
D: My fake tan spray
S: Nothing much. Just my wallet and my weapons of mass destruction.
WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR FREE TIME?
S: I take long walks by my concentration camps for the breathtaking view of Jews being executed and to take in the smell of their burning flesh.
D: Bro, that’s SAVAGE! I usually just sit at home and wonder what I would do if Epiphany wasn’t my daughter.
WHAT MADE YOU WHO YOU ARE TODAY?
S: Getting dumped by my 16 year old Jewish girlfriend, Stefanie.
D: I am where I am today because of the great people of America, and we all know how great America is because WE ARE the greatest nation in the world. I had my supporters and all too. I also got a small loan of a million dollars from my old man whose favorite colors were red, white and blue, and orange! Especially orange an…
S: Hey! How come he gets so much talking time?
R: Sir…I uh…he was blabbering?
D: *flares nostrills* *disapprovingly nods*
SO, LET US GET BACK TO THE SERIOUS QUESTIONS NOW. WHO DO YOU THINK HAS A BETTER HAND AT WORLD DOMINATION?
D AND S: Me!
S: *smirks*
D: Why does he keep doing that!?
S: Because I am not the one who looks like the offspring of an orange and a Saumensch.
D: Why you…*throws chair*
S: Call ze Panzer Unit!
D: *throws another chair and misses…again*
S: Hey Ronald, why don’t you come and hangout with me in that building right there? It’s totally not a gas chamber.
D: Okay, sure!
S: Alrighty..but before we go *looks at the reporter* what’s your name again?
R: It’s Pablo Schmidt Ramirez, sir!
S: Wait…Scmidt? You a Jew?
R: Yes…?
D: Screw Jew! Ramirez? Are you hispanic?
R: Yes I am…
The interview ends here because our reporter was found in the spot with Chlorine poisoning and orange skin. At this point, we are just happy that we don’t have to give him a raise.