Fabia Shahzadi
A relationship can be abusive in certain ways, but abuse ultimately boils down to power and control. A relationship is defined as abusive when one partner uses violence, whether it is physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological, to influence the other partner. Although women are more prone to be victims of relationship abuse, men are always suffering in thus category. If you believe you are in an abusive relationship, seek immediate help. You can also learn how to identify the warning signs of an abusive relationship for your own safety.
1. Hunt for perfectionism: People with extreme unrealistic expectations tend to exercise abusive behaviors. They are the ones who believe that all things must follow a certain way and conform to their individual particular standards. These people are generally inflexible and show resentful, angry and even violent behavior when things don’t go their way.
2. Mood swings: Every person displays mood swings but in case of abusive people their emotions often fluctuate between the extremes. If you are dealing with an abusive person then you may feel like you are “walking on eggshells”. Any “hair trigger” could set them off for good. Abusive people tend to with bottle up their emotion and explode at once or they can operate ‘passive-aggressive’ mood where they will try to engulf you with guilt. Explosiveness and hypersensitivity are both warning signs of an emotionally unhealthy person.
3. Does the person accept responsibilities?: Abusive people usually refuse responsibility for their actions whenever it is possible. They tend to blame others for their feelings and actions. For example, an abusive person might say, “You just make me so angry when you contradict me that I can’t control myself.” This statement shifts the blame of one person’s personal actions to another person.
4. Personality: Try to find out if the targeted person has personality disorder. If they are over possessive, jealous, or show signs which if shown excess can be hurtful. These traits will confirm you that engaging further with this type of people might lead you into an abusive relationship.
5. Share: Once you feel victimized, rather than keeping it to yourself try to share your views with other. Take their opinions and start working on how to save yourself from it.
6. Self judgment: Before you take a strong decision, ask yourself if you are really up for it. If you feel it is too much a burden for you then maybe it is best to reconsider the whole relationship and start fresh again. Talk to your conscience and reach a judgment where any step you take will bring fruitful results for your betterment.
7. Break point: Once you feel that you have reached the verge of your patience, it is best to cut off your relationship completely with the abuser. Abusive people very often try to get back into your good graces by promising to change. This part of the cycle of abuse is what you should not trust. Do not interact with the abusive person in any way possible to save yourself from any kind of future harassment.