Marilyn Thipthorpe
We all have people in our lives who we’d just rather not interact with – loudmouthed misogynists, shrill gossips, ignorant racists, hurtful name-callers – whatever type of person makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. The most obvious course of action is to avoid these irritating people altogether. What should we do, though, when this just isn’t possible?
It may be tempting to believe that your friend’s husband rubs you the wrong way because he is simply wrong and you are better than he is – and maybe you are. However, research by University of Groningen psychologist Melvyn Hamstra suggests that the difference might have more to do with mindset.
Oddly enough, we are often even more bothered by people who are very similar to ourselves. While we may be tempted to chalk this effect up to competition, the truth is usually a little bit darker. We are not often put off by people who exhibit the same strengths as us.
“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.” This quote by Jim Rohn is applicable in many situations, not least of all being the struggle to accept a difficult person. You cannot control their behavior, but you can control your reaction to it – and to do this, you must first understand why they bother you so much. Will you ever be best friends? Probably not – but you will be able to sit across from them at the school fundraiser without rolling your eyes.