Myisha Nawar
Our society needs to understand that getting engaged or married is not an accomplishment. Having a ring on your finger is not an accomplishment! It is 2016 and being popped the question is still more celebrated than the academic and professional pursuits of a woman. While college graduations and landing a great career are perceived with happiness by the fam, it does not rise to the same level of elation received when you announce that you are getting hitched. It’s time for society as a whole to re-evaluate what aspect of women’s lives we put the most value on.
A few months ago, I announced my college acceptance to my family. I could see the streak of happiness on their faces. Know their first words of ‘happiness’? “Now you can come back with a husband whose height matches yours.” First, I am going to college abroad to pursue an undergraduate education and open career opportunities, NOT lure some 6 feet dude into marriage. Second, my undergrad would be completed in 4 years. In 4 years, I will be 23. They expect me to get hitched by the age of twenty-three? I suppose they plan on being the ones building my career, duh! Third, I am just 5’6” which, I admit, is kind of tall for Bengali girls. Why is it that whenever I get complimented on my height, the phrase “It’ll be hard to find a guy for you” follows? Why can’t I be complimented without a marriage reference in the equation? Also, why can’t I marry someone shorter than me?
I’m tired of hearing the phrase “do it after marriage”. Want to travel alone? Do it after marriage. Want to go sky diving? Do it after marriage. Want to do something innovative that requires you to stay out late? Do it after marriage. I wonder why the event of getting married is placed on a pedestal higher than the to-dos in a person’s bucket list or their ambitions.
In the 1950s, women were primarily housewives and getting married was typically the end goal. Back then, being a wife was what defined women, so I understand why finding the special someone was considered an accomplishment. However, this is no longer the case. Today, women are balancing much more than just finding a man. Women are entrepreneurs, lawyers,teachers, CEOs, inventors, designers, researchers, writers, consultants and so much more. Women are endlessly working to elevate up the corporate ladder. Women are key figures in our government. Women are changing the world with their innovation. And while many of these women are married, they are definitely not solely defined by their last name!
Getting married should never be put in a higher regard than the academic and professional successes that women work hard to attain. You don’t have a brain, drive or special skill set to get married. You just have to have a willing partner standing beside you. However, getting into X school, graduating with Y degree and landing Z job does require actual hard work.
Hey, getting married is absolutely a huge event and it’s so very exciting to find your ‘other half’. But the ring no longer defines a woman. So, I urge you to be excited when your friends and sisters announce their wedding plans, but please make sure you are just as excited (if not more) when they land a good career position or gets their Master’s degree.