Nusrat Jahan
I understand when someone tells me to wear an orna when I go out because “it represents Bangladeshi culture”, but what I do not understand is, someone telling me to wear an orna because it will keep me “safe” from the eyes of rapists and eve teasers. The fact that over 60% of the entire nation believes that clothing is the key to solving a great issue like rape culture appalls me.
Recently, the rape and brutal killing of a college student named Sohagi Jahan Tonu caused quite a lot of stir in the social media. People from all over Bangladesh are sharing the news, seeking justice for innocent Tonu. What most of these posts had in common was the question “If improper clothing is the reason behind rape, then why was Tonu, who was dressed modestly and wearing a hijab, raped”. What most of these posts also had in common were insensitive and detestable comments like “She did not wear the hijab properly” or “Since she was the member of the theatre club of her college, she must have been a bad girl” or ones that basically said “she must have done something to seduce the rapists”. Like it is in the case of Tonu, the rape and death of hundreds of other girls garnered the same type of abhorrent responses from people. I dare you to ask all the girls you know, if they have ever been touched in inappropriate places or if they have ever been sexually harassed. I guarantee you that almost all of them will answer “yes”. We cry when innocent girls like Tonu get raped, but we do not even deserve to do that. Why? Because we allowed the rapes to happen. BECAUSE WE ALLOWED RAPE CULTURE TO EXIST.
Ask around and people will tell you that “rape culture” is nothing but a myth. However, I, and many other people, beg to differ. Here are some examples of how we are promoting its vicious existence. You will find various people saying things like “A girl got raped? Tell me something new”, an indicator of how girls getting raped is the social norm in our country. You have to prevent men from abusing girls saying things like “She is someone’s mother/sister/wife” and not because she is a general HUMAN BEING. You tell your daughter to not go out at night but you fail to tell your son to not rape a girl who is walking down the street at night. You tell your little sister to wear a burqa when she goes out to avoid disgusting gazes from sexual predators, but you never teach your brother to not look at a girl inappropriately. When you tell a girl to be “properly clothed”, maintain a strict curfew, and to never go out alone in order to stay safe, you immediately label the girl to be the inferior sex. You instill the concept of girls being weak into the minds of the boys around you.
A girl has to make sure she follows all the rules from the stupid step-by-step guide on how to not get raped that our ignorant society has built. When she does get harassed, her outfit is blamed. And when she tries to speak up about it, you discourage her to do so because it will ruin your family’s reputation, while chanting “boys will be boys” all the while.
You see, rape culture starts from home, it continues at school, it walks through the alleys, and it ends in public gatherings, buses, and gutters. It is time you apologize and actually do something to inhibit rape culture.
Tonu and the other girls got raped because I wrapped the scarf around my neck to be safe. Because mothers taught their daughters how to dress properly but forgot to teach their sons how to respect girls. Because thousands of girls get groped in public each day but fail to say a word about it. Because we just walked by and failed to stand up for the girl getting eve teased. Because a girl’s outfit and the extracurricular activities she is involved in determines her character. Because we believe that the rape victims were “totally asking for it”.